Spiritual and Science
by Dr Ingram
Summary: Rodney and Teyla stories that will explore their friendship.
1. Beliefs

Stargate Atlantis

Spiritual and Science

_I don't own Atlantis_

**Beliefs**

_This is set at some point during Sanctuary._

Rodney leaned on the railing on the gang way between Elizabeth's office and the control room. His hands were gripping tight turning his knuckles white. He was annoyed, annoyed at everyone for ignoring his concerns. Could no one else see it, how come he was the only one who was having a warning light go off in his head? The woman was lying he could sense it or if not she was holding something back, there was something else about her. She was using religion as a cover for something, for that weapon and he knew it. Frustrated he hit his hands off the railing as he headed towards the top of the stairs. He was going to go looking for John but decided against it. Instead he thought it would be better to gain evidence, he made his way to the device they had found earlier that their guest had set off. The only way he was going to learn anything new about Cheya was to figure out what the device did. He clasped his hands together as he sat down to work.

$££$

Teyla walked through the corridor of Atlantis smiling, she was thinking back to the conversation she had just had with Major Sheppard. Does he really think we are all blind, she thought, that we cannot see that he is attracted to Cheya? What see could not understand was why he was afraid to admit it. Yes he was the ranking officer of Atlantis but as she had said to him that did not mean that he did not have the right to feelings. Despite what others may think she thought as she saw Rodney skulk through the door.

As Rodney spied Teyla he quickened his pace towards her. "Teyla." He said with a hastened breath.

"Yes Doctor." She asked carefully.

Rodney's hands were dancing all over the place as he nervously and frustratingly klicked his fingers. "Have you seen Major Sheppard anywhere?"

It was wrong to lie to a friend especially when he was asking a simple question but Teyla thought that it would be better if Doctor McKay did not disturb the Major and Cheya. She had the feeling that it would only cause more hostility between the two. She tilted her head slightly as she spoke. "I'm sorry I have not."

His jaw tightened and a it took all his effort to say as pleasantly as possible. "Fine." Rodney knew it was a lie but instead of making a comment or questioning her he left it alone. It would be pointless trying to get Teyla to tell him because if she had wanted to she would have told him the truth.

He walked past her as if brushing her away, she thought he was over reacting he could tell that she thought that he was being unfair to John, but John was the military leader of Atlantis and he didn't have the luxury to allow himself to get involved with an alien woman who they really knew nothing about and who was obviously hiding something from them.

Teyla placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. She did it without effort as Rodney stopped despite himself. "Doctor perhaps you should not be so hasty in your judgment of Cheya. She is only doing what she believes is best."

Rodney looked at her as if she had grown another head. He didn't get it he really did not get it. Why was it him who was supposedly in the wrong? Why was it only him who was outraged by Cheya's decision? He shook himself from Teyla's touch.

"For whom?" He looked condescendingly at Teyla. Of all the people who he thought would be outraged he thought it would be Teyla. She knew better than them all what it was like to lose someone to the Wraith and yet she could still be understanding and calm. "Millions of people can be saved and yet she refuses to help how can you not be the slightest upset by that?"

"Because it is her decision and I, we must respect that. Cheya says that Athar will not allow it and we must respect that."

"What respect some God that doesn't even exist?"

"It is her people's belief Doctor that Athar protects them." Now she was looking at him as if he had grown another head. She did not understand how he could be so disrespectful. "And how do you know that Athar does not exist. Do you have evidence?"

Rodney scoffed. "I don't need evidence. It's a religion that they are hiding behind because they are to selfish to lend the people of the galaxy a helping hand. I can't believe in a God that wont help others whether it existed or not. In fact I haven't and never will believe in any God of any kind." Rodney was fuming his voice rising.

Teyla was simply staring at him in disbelief. How could someone not believe in something beyond this life? "You must believe in something, that there is..." She raised her hands in the air. "...someone or something that is greater than us that is waiting for us when we die?"

"The only thing waiting for us when we die is darkness that is all. There is no light at the end of the tunnel there is no master plan. Why on earth would a God create a universe with such evil?"

In contrast Teyla spoke calmly and quieter hoping that it would work to calm Rodney down, as he was making rather violent gestures with his hands. "It is a test of our faith."

"No it's science it's evolution. That is why we and the Wraith exist it has nothing to do with a master plan. Athar did not save us it was science. There is a weapon on that planet and by Cheya refusing to acknowledge it and by not helping us by allowing us to study it she is condemning us all." Rodney didn't wait for an answer he walked away angry, upset, fuming. All Teyla could do was look on as Rodney walked away. She didn't attempt to go after him he had his own demons to deal with she thought.

He didn't and never had believed in a God, it was beyond him to believe in stories. That's what the Goa'uld did, told tall tales but a spin on science so that people could feel that they were part of a grand plan and that nobody died without reason. But it was all lies. Even Ascension was a story. The Ancients just added a nice little spiritual factor to so that ordinary people could understand it, but they researched it. How on earth do you research enlightenment if it's true enlightenment. You're meant to leave those things behind with ascension. But no the Ancients had cheated hadn't they, tried to get and got there without growing spiritually. No facts are what he knew and how he lived his life. Facts didn't lie they didn't hurt and they could help you to save yourselves. God hadn't helped them when they had been stuck in that jumper and locked in the Stargate. It had been science that had saved them.


	2. Weakness?

**A Weakness?**

_I don't own Atlantis. This is set at some point during The Gift, obvious spoilers._

_Reviews, yes please_

Rodney sulked tiredly down the long corridor to the mess hall. Coffee he really needed coffee trouble was they didn't have any so he would have to settle for Athosian tea. It didn't taste bad in fact it tasted dam good but it simply wasn't coffee well for the fact that it was tea obviously but nothing they had found in Pegasus galaxy when trading was anything like coffee or chocolate ah yes chocolate he missed that to also Niagara Falls, his cat, his sister. He hoped the air force had managed to find her of course they could they could find anyone. No what he hoped was that his sister had watched the tape and believed him in his desire to get top know her better.

Rodney was now finally at the mess hall it was late very late so he didn't expect there to be anyone around and as he walked through the door he didn't immediately see anyone as he made his way to the counter and picked up some Athosian tea and a cup and started boiling the kettle when out of the corner of his eye he caught the sight of shinning copper hair. He turned to the dark corner of the room and made his way to the table that Teyla was spread over her head resting on her arms and her hair covering her face. By Teyla's left arm was a cup, he picked it up investigating it and could smell the Athosian tea seems he wasn't the only one having trouble sleeping. Although Teyla would have greater reason to find it difficult to sleep knowing that she had wraith cells in her. Since first hearing about it Rodney hadn't given it much thought to be honest he had other things worrying him, as what to do now.

He couldn't leave her like this although she was asleep taken a much needed rest but sleeping spread over a table was not the most comfortable position and he knew that well. But he didn't have the heart to wake her, she was finally asleep. Rodney pondered for a moment and decided to wake her.

Gently he placed a hand on her shoulder trying to shake her awake, when that didn't work her lent closer towards her face and whispered. "Teyla, Teyla." Again he shook her as he spoke. "Teyla you should wake up." A third time he was slightly more forceful. "Teyla."

Teyla woke with a start and turned violently towards Rodney. "It's okay Teyla." He took his hand off her shoulder and held them out in front of him. "It's just me Rodney. You'd fallen asleep."

"Oh Dr McKay. I um I…"

"Couldn't sleep so I came to get some tea." Rodney finished for her smiling.

"Um yes." She moved her hair away from her face and rubbed her eyes as she stretched. "What are you doing up Doctor."

"Oh I was working and needed something to keep me awake." At that point the kettle clicked. He pointed his finger to the air as he said. "Ah there you are." He walked back to the counter and poured the boiling water into his cup. He looked back to Teyla and she was sat there with her head in her hands. He put the kettle down and feeling guilty said. "Sorry for waking you Teyla but sleeping over a table is really not the best thing for you." He placed a hand on his back. "Especially on the back." He leaned back as if trying to relive tension, but it clearly wasn't working as he was making painful expressions.

Teyla looked at him and couldn't help a small smile. "Thank you Doctor I would not have wanted to spend the rest of the night sleeping at the table so don't be sorry for waking me."

Rodney made a nervous smile. "Yes well..." He pointed towards the door. "…I should get back to um..." He headed towards the door. "…work." However as he looked back at Teyla she was still sat with her head in her hands and he felt compelled to move towards her. He stood a few feet away from her to give her space so she didn't feel he was intruding.

Trying to find something to say he cleared his throat and began to make nervous gestures. "Look Teyla." Teyla took her hands away from her face and looked towards Rodney. "Perhaps you should." He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know get away from the city, go to the mainland spend some time with your friends."

"And have people believe that I am running away." She said it rather more harshly than she intended and realising that she had cause Rodney to flinch she took a breath and this time spoke more calmly. "It is just that we are getting closer to the decisive hour and I don't think it would be fair for me to spend time with my friends when the rest of Atlantis is working hard to save the city and the people here as well as my people."

"Teyla don't be ridiculous. I mean there is nothing wrong in feeling stressed and needing time alone. You've just found something out that would put anybody on the back foot."

Teyla furrowed her brow at him. "The back foot?"

Rodney quickly sat down opposite her. "What I mean is that you've just found something out that would upset anyone."

"You are talking about the fact that I have Wraith cells."

"Yes."

She was becoming agitated again. "You think I should be treated differently because I have Wraith cells." She looked at him hurt. "I do not want to be treated differently."

"Whoa, whoa Teyla that's not what I meant. Look I don't think for one moment that because you have Wraith cells that you're a Wraith because you're clearly not. I admit when I first heard I was taken aback, shocked concerned…" He stammered for a moment. "…but you know who wouldn't be." Rodney was now frantically making gestures and was trying to explain himself without upsetting her again. Which might be impossible for him but he had to try.

"It's just if it were me and I had found out that I had Wraith cells I would have some trouble processing that and despite myself might think what it made me, how other people would perceive me and if it made me a Wraith and so and so forth."

Teyla removed her eyes from him and looked around nervous she had in fact for the past few hours had been thinking those thoughts about herself. Did having Wraith cells make her a Wraith and how did that change how people saw her.

"I must admit Doctor I have had those thoughts myself."

"Exactly and I suspect that being around a great many people who don't know you is difficult for you to try and come to terms with what you've found out."

"Yes Doctor it is. I feel that everyone is judging me and beginning to fear me."

"Teyla none of use fear you, I admit that some people may find it difficult but trust me no one thinks you're sympathetic to the Wraith."

She nodded her head doubtfully. "I do not think that is the case. Sgt Bates…"

"Oh forget Bates the guy is just uptight it's his job to be overly concerned and mistrusting."

"I cannot simply forget about it Doctor. He is a member of Atlantis and an important member at that. How can I work among people who do not trust me."

"Teyla we do trust you."

"I wish I could believe that Doctor."

Rodney let out an exasperated sigh. "Okay it may take time for you to believe that..."

Teyla angrily snapped her head up as she looked at Rodney. "Yes Doctor it will." And she rose violently from her chair knocking it over. "I am sorry." She took a calming breath before she continued. " I am just tired." She turned and picked up her chair before she headed to leave. "Thank you for your concern. I will be fine." She turned and made her way to the door. She couldn't deal with this she was tired of hearing this again and again. Yes some people on Atlantis may still accept her but there would be some who would be scared of her and think she had changed.

Rodney thought about just letting her walk out without saying anything more but he couldn't he felt that he needed to make Teyla believe that nobody thought of her as different and that she shouldn't think of herself as different either. So as she reached the threshold he called after her. "Wish I could believe that."

It did what he hoped Teyla stopped and hesitated for a moment before turning to face him. "So do I Doctor." She didn't want to cry but she could feel some tears burning at the back of her eyes. She turned her head towards the door frame to hide her face from his gaze. She lightly licked her lips as she regained herself again and inched her way back into the mess hall. She was no longer compelled to leave but wanted to talk. She didn't want to hear reasoning though, she knew that she was not ready for that yet she still had to outline how she felt, but perhaps Rodney could give her the comfort and normality she craved for so she changed the subject hoping he would engage with her.

"Why did you lie?"

Rodney sat back confused. "Lie about what?"

"About you and Doctor Heightmyer."

Rodney's gripped tightened around his now slightly cold cup of Athosian tea. Rather flustered and taken aback by the question he tried to answer. Falling that he tried to change the subject. "I had better heat this tea up I mean don't want a cold cup of tea." As he finished the sentence he talked slower falling to change the subject he walked over to the microwave and started babbling. "You know I go through so many cups of coffee and a large number of them go cold because I get so wrapped up in work that I'm to busy to drink them. Well any way back on earth if they were cold I would just through it out and make another one." He swallowed nervous and put the cup in the microwave and set it for a minute. "Well since coming to Atlantis we have or had a limited supply so well now I guess I should do some trial and error and find out how long is best to re-heat cold coffee…" He turned to Teyla who was now returning to the chair she had left not long ago with a bemused smile on her face. At least he was making her smile he thought. "… and Athosian tea." He smiled nervously. "I bet that one minute isn't enough to correctly re-heat this cup of tea." As he finished talking the bing on the timer went. He carefully took the cup thankfully it wasn't that hot he took a sip and pulled a face. "Yep not long enough." He put it back in but didn't bother setting the timer again. He smiled nervously again.

Teyla was now sat at the table with her hand crossed on the table and she calmly spoke. "You said Doctor McKay that I should be embarrassed if I felt stressed and needed time alone. So why are embarrassed if you need to talk to a professional about matters that upset you?" She tilted her head in that caring way of hers that makes you want to open up to her.

She never gave the impression she was judging you, that was what Rodney liked about her. Rodney let out a tired sigh and crossed his arms. Normality he thought is what she wants some normality someone to just talk to her to treat her like she never changed, she wants to act like she knows she can be the person she's always been. He didn't think she'd changed at all but obviously telling her that wasn't working. Well if this is how he can help then he can't or shouldn't complain.

"You're very logical you know that?"

She was surprised by the question but her face and her posture never changed "You expected me to be something else?"

"No well. I know you're a warrior, soldier and you think tactically." He walked towards the table and sat opposite Teyla once again. "But well you're the most spiritual person I've met and well I just expected you to be more emotional."

"Well we all have the ability to think on many different levels. But that doesn't answer my question." She lent closer to him. And with a curious expression asked. "Why did you lie?"

He lent back in his chair and answered his tone weary. "Because I was embarrassed."

"Why." Did he understand she thought did he feel the same way about talking to Doctor Heightmyer as she did?

"Because it felt like I was a failure, a failure to deal with the situation we're in. I realised how weak I was."

"You are not weak Doctor." She lent back in her chair with mild joy as she said it. Her mind was rejoicing at the fact the he understood that he felt the same about talking to Doctor Heightmyer as she did.

Rodney scoffed. "Yeah I'm a tower of strength." He said sarcastically.

"You have done a lot for people here. You stood your ground to Koyla when he threatened us you willingly risked your life to help save us."

"But I couldn't help Gaul, I couldn't face a dying man and I couldn't stand up to his death I couldn't deal with it on my own."

"Having to see someone we know die is never easy Doctor and it does not become easy. I have lost many loved ones and I still find it hard to look into the eyes of the ones I love knowing they will die and knowing that I cannot help them. If Doctor Gaul's death had not affected you I would be far more concerned about you. I would think you heartless." She was true and to the point spoke with great wisdom and her tone did not faultier.

"So would I." Rodney drummed his fingers on the table before leaning into Teyla as he spoke. "At least we are both strong enough to know that we need help and to ask for it."

Teyla tilted her head and small smile etched on her face. "I had not thought about it like that." Teyla's smiled broadened as she remembered something her father had said. She said it out loud as if to share his wisdom with Rodney and herself. " If one is not able to help ones self then how can one help others?"

Rodney smiled and pointed his finger at her enthusiastically. "Exactly." As Rodney's arm waved in the air he noticed the time and hastily stood.

Teyla looked up at him confused at his rapid reaction. "What is it Doctor?"

"I need to get back to the lab, there is a lot of work that I still need to do." He spoke rapidly. After he said it his maind snapped back to the idea that he should be helping Teyla with her obvious anxiety. However she seemed to understand that their were something that needed to be done before to late and gave him a understanding expression which Rodney was great full for and he smiled warmly at her.

Teyla rose. "Then I will walk with you. I should go to my quarters to sleep more comfortably."

Both headed towards the door and were walking down the corridor. "Yes, yes you look like you need some sleep." His tone was teasing and he looked at her amusingly.

"As do you Doctor."

Rodney looked up into the air as if he was remembering something from long ago. "True." Which it was. He decided that he might actually do some good and instead of heading to his lab he continued with Teyla to his quarters.

Both of them smiled tiredly and said goodnight as each went to there own quarters with the intension of getting some much needed sleep, but both knew that it would never truly come.


End file.
